She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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