Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
