the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
