Non-Jews are for practice
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
