Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
