he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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