wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
