I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
What a dumb baby whore.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
