East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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