He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
