I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
