What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You are a genius and a whore.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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