I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
