Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
