apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just gift wrapped bread.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
