just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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