About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
