I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
