I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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