I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
