You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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