Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
