I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
