My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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