Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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