could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
