she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
