i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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