I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Are we still banned from the library?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
