WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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