I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
