Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
