But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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