If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
