Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
