bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
