her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
