you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
