the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
