I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
