i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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