im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
