I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
