My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
