I'd wear matching sweaters with you
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
