Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
