he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
