Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
