WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We are all done wearing pants today
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
