Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
