u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
