All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
