i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Houston, we have a squirter
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
