So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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