the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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